meghanpost.jpg

It’s the birthday today of one of the most amazing and hysterically funny women I know. She is witty, she is sassy and one can always count on her to dish out the most tasteful insults to those who dare use bad behavior in our midst. What follows is but a slice of what we know and love about Meghan. Happy Birthday, girlfriend!

Manners according to Meghan – the pursuit of social graces

“Yesterday at the Kroger I was going down the frozen food aisle, la tee da, oh wait a second, that’s Jim*, he had turned to face me so I smiled at him. And then he smiled, and oh yeah I was looking at his teeth, that’s weird his teeth almost look normal, huh, it’s not like I can say, what happened
to your teeth, they were hideous last week, I can’t say that right?

So then there is the obligatory checking out of each other’s shopping cart, mine, a cute little red basket, a la little red riding hood, complete with…”Flowers, who are those for?” right, not just flowers, but hydrangeas and greens flopping everywhere, “They’re for me, for my Birthday tomorrow.” Oh you’re not going to get flowers from anyone for your Birthday? Are you going to send those to yourself at work?” ok so I said I was wrong about the teeth, but he could still use work on his social skills. “No, no flowers at work that I know of, I’ll just enjoy these at home.”

“What are you going to make me for dinner tonight?” Jim, way to take advantage of your surroundings as a conversation piece, maybe his social skills are better than I thought, “radishes, barley, (in my defense, had I known I was going to run into someone at the store I would have filled my cart with more fun, party foods, perhaps the perfect cart might contain…nice cheese, baguette, filet mignon, green beans, ripe pears and some very dark chocolate, not…) yogurt and a fruit cup” did he see the artichoke and not know what it was or did he miss it under the greenery, either way…”you’re going to waste away eating all that health food.” I tried hard to be funny and not defensive, that didn’t happen “There’s no chance really if you wanted to kill me youcould feed me salmon” huh, not sure where to file that in my mental notes. So I peer into his cart, “You should make us steaks…” wow that’s a lot of meat, one of those tubes of ground beef, chicken pot pies, and the biggest box of Minute rice ever, I wasn’t the only one who should be embarrassed by my cart. “Actually, I saw my dentist tonight, I had some major dental work done, actually gums, he just okayed me for solid foods, so I’m making up for lost time” there he said it, that was a bandage that I saw on his teeth not out of control tartar. OK teeth, not straight, kind of yellowish, and he seems a little young to be having major gum work, but I learned my lesson on teeth judging, at least he is taking care of his teeth now.

“So are you coming to my birthday party happy hour?” me.
“Yeah, is this a big Birthday for you?” him.
“I’m going to be 36.” me.
He studied my face and looked me up and down, in a way that made me think he thought Iook younger than 36.
I interrupted him “actually my birthday is not until tomorrow, that’s probably why I don’t look like I’m 36.”
“You don’t look a day over 35 years and 355 days” he’s good at doing math in his head.
“So far it’s just me and you for happy hour, I haven’t heard back from anyone else.” me.
“The two of us, we’ll definitely have a great time.” him.

Then there was an awkward moment or 2 as we made our way to the checkout.”

*all names have been altered to protect the identity of the socially challenged…though you know who you are….

Advertisements