I’ve been reading Dating Amy by Amy DeZellar, a spirited, delightful, and well-written account of dating. At the end of each chapter, Amy either agrees or dispels a common dating/opposite sex myth. One of these I thought particularly poignant, and even though it seems like common sense, I know a lot of intelligent women (myself included) that have fallen prey to this insidious thought bubble. I’m guessing this could apply to some men too.

Myth: If I were prettier/smarter/sluttier, this guy who’s a total jerk would morph into a great guy for me.


Gah! It’s so tempting to think this way, isn’t it? Well don’t. For some reason, we women really buy into this scenario where we’re responsible for how men act.

It’s a crock.

If he wants you to fetch him beer while he watches football every weekend, if he’s cheap with you, if he’s chronically late… he was like that with all of his ex-girlfriends and he’ll be like that with any future ones after you dump his late, cheap, beer-drinking butt.

It’s not who you are, it’s who he is.